Navi's Point of View
by Naoko Ai
Summary: This is written in the point of view of Navi the faerie. Navi isn't as nice as you thought, and Link is a total idiot.
1. Navi Meets Jessica

This is written in the pov (point of view) of Navi the faerie from Zelda: Ocarina of Time. You all know Navi, the annoying little faerie, right? Well, I hope you like this!  
  
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Hello and welcome. My name is Navi and I am a faerie. If you are a Ganon-follower, you may best know me as the annoying little glowing thing that flew around the dude in the green dress that tried to kick your butt. If you are anyone else, you may know me as the annoying little glowing thing that flew around the dude in the green dress. Anyway, this is my story.  
  
You see, I never wanted to "help" that dumb kid in the green dress. Who is the dumb kid in the green dress you ask? Well, he was many names. In file one, he was called Link. In file two, he was called Joe. In file three, he was called Jessica. So I will call him Jessica because I like that name. Anyway, I loved to cause mischief in this place called the Kokiri Forest. This fat tree guy with a freaky moustache liked me for some reason and thought I was a really nice faerie. (Where'd he get that idea anyway?) He told me to go watch over Jessica. I thought this kid was really dumb, so I thought I'd have some fun with him. I flew to his house (After running into that dumb fence AGAIN) and the idiot was napping in the middle of the day. It looked like he was sleeping peacefully, so I stuck his hand in warm water. That's supposed to make him wet himself, but instead he just started having a nightmare. I'm thinking he was having a wet dream, but I don't know. Anyway, I got tired of watching him squirm, so I started flying around him to get him up. I dragged him out of his house and he talked to this freak with green hair. After he talked to her, he tried to go see the fat moustache tree dude, but there was this geek standing in the way. So, we had to get Jess a sword and shield.  
  
I had to drag the idiot around the forest looking for forty whole rupees. I made him jump on stones across the lake in hopes he would fall and drown, and I tried to get him to walk across these bridges high up in the air, but the idiot was too afraid. So, we had to go around through the grass for rupees. I did manage to get him to go in this house and steal some rupees from in there, though. So then we bought him a shield. He also bought some gum with a couple extra rupees he found, but he choked on that and got his first game over.  
  
Then we went to this garden-like place where he tried to learn to Z-target. There were two rocks next to each other and he Z-targeted one. Then he tried to un-Z-target, but he ended up Z-targetting the other one. He kept trying to un-Z-target, but he got so dizzy from Z-targetting that he spontaneously combusted and got his second game over.  
  
I then had to push his fat butt through this hole in the wall of the garden to this place with a big boulder. He ran around behind the boulder for a while, having fun. Then he got hit and died for his third game over. So then he decided to go up to the chest in the back to see if he could get more gum, but he found a sword instead. He wanted gum though so he tried to chew the grass. The grass had a blue rupee in it so he choked on it and died again. On the way out he got a few more game overs from the Z-targetting again.  
  
We went to this house with these triplet guys. They were really smart. They started explaining things to Jessica, and Jessica was too stupid to comprehend it all, so he blew up and got another game over. He went outside and tried to practice with his sword, but he ended up trying to fight a wall, so his sword bounced back at him and he got another game over.  
  
Jessica was a total idiot. He was afraid of everything and all he wanted was some gum. So he got a few more game overs from trying to use random objects as gum, and then we went over to the guy in front of the path to the tree dude. The guy blocking the path was astounded that such an idiot could find those things, but then again, the guy in the path was too frail and geeky to weild them himself. So he let Jess and I go on. On the way there we came upon a couple plant-like creatures. One jumped out at him and ate him for another game over. Then he killed another one that was standing straight up, but when he cut it the plant became a big stick, and it fell on Jessica's head, so he got another game over. After a couple more game overs we finally got to the tree dude.  
  
The tree dude told us, "I haveth beeneth curse-ed, thou musteth killeth the curse-edeth thing inside-eth me." Then he ate us.  
  
Total game overs so far for Jessica: 14 


	2. The Big Tree Dude

As we walked into the tree's mouth, I decided to start a conversation to pass the time. "Well, here we are, inside the freaky tree dude." I said. No reply. "Geeze, this place is big." No reply. "Hey Jess, are you planning on responding?" No reply. "Why won't you respond to me?" No reply. Idiot. I'm beginning to think he's dumb. No, not dumb as in stupid; we all knew he's stupid already. I mean dumb as in mute. Mute as in he can't talk. He hasn't said a single word and yet everyone seems to understand him. "Fine, I'll just talk at you then."  
  
There was a big web in the center of the place. Jessica went over and stared at it. Then he tried to chew it as gum and he got stuck to it. He couldn't get lose, so I brought one of those big plants over to eat him so he could reappear at the tree's mouth. Yet another game over for him. The idiot is up to fifteen now.  
  
"Let's look up here!" I flew over to a ladder. What's a ladder doing in a tree anyway? Oh well. He climbed up and we ran up the ramp. He found a slingshot in a chest so he could shoot bats and spiders with. Except, when he opened the chest to get the slingshot, he got his head stuck in it and got another game over. A couple spiders tried to attack him, but he thought they were gum so he ate them. You would think that would avoid a game over, but he turned purple and died, so he did get one. There was also a room with water and a spikey thing going over the water. He ran into the spikey thing and drowned in the water.   
  
This kid was getting on my nerves. He's such an idiot. Then and there I decided I had to get rid of him for good. We got to the top level and the bottom was really far down, so I thought to myself, "Hey, if I push him off, he'll go kerSPLAT! and I'll be rid of -" and then he jumped off by himself, with me in tow.  
  
"AAAH!" I screamed as I plunged downward. Why would he do this himself? I was going to do it to him! And why am I being drug along with him? "LET ME GO!" I screamed at him. He wouldn't. We landed on the spiderweb at the bottom and it burst, allowing us to fall even more to the bottom into a big puddle of water. Ick, I was all wet, and this water was invested with algae and bugs. Disgusting.  
  
He pulled me along out of the water, took out a big stick, and lit it on fire. He almost burnt me to a crisp with it. "Watch it!" I yelled. He ran around burning all the webs so he wouldn't get caught in them again. He slipped and fell in the water and lost his last stick. So he tried to light ME on fire to get rid of the last of the webs, but I flew away, so he used his hand instead and then died from burns. After the game over he thought he was still on fire so he jumped into the water and drowned.  
  
We found a room with these egg things in it. They were so disgusting! Jessica poked at them with his sword and they burst. He got to one too late and a little freaky-lookin' thing jumped out at us. The thing's eye turned red. This scared Jessica a lot, so Jessica put up his shield. The thing kept jumping into Jess's shield. It was so stupid. "Jess, just kill it!" I yelled at him. Jessica looked at me and drew his sword. The thing jumped onto him and he fell onto his back. It started licking his face!  
  
Jessica then decided he liked the thing, so they got up and ran around the room. Jessica threw things at it and it caught it. (Don't ask me how. It's like an eye with legs.) I just floated there, gaping at them. Well well, the idiot found a friend! Idiot Hylian and idiot dog-like eye-creature thing.  
  
"Jessica, we need to go!" Jessica stared at me sadly. "Fine then. We'll take it with us. We have to name it, because I don't want to keep calling it 'dog-like eye-creature thing', okay?" Jessica started running around again. "Fine, I'll name it. Hmm... Oh, I can't think of anything. Well, is it a girl or a guy?" They stared at me. I sighed. "Fine." I went over to the creature and flew under its legs. "Ew...EW! It's... I think... Yeah, it's definately a guy. Ew." That was so disgusting.   
  
Then, I took some time to study the creature. It was spider-like, no hair, pretty ugly, it had one big eye, and two stubby legs. "I've come up with two names. We'll name him either 'Ms. Fluffy' or 'Mr. Eye.' Which do you like?" Jessica seemed to jump around at the mention of Mr. Eye. "You like Mr. Eye?" Jessica nodded his head. "Okay, Ms. Fluffy it is then." I know it's a guy, but I like Ms. Fluffy. I wish that was my name. That or Sally. But no, I'm Navi. Oh well.  
  
"Well, come on!" I motioned for them to come. They followed me out and Jessica got caught in the door for another game over. (What an idiot.) Then we came out into a place with another spiderweb. There was also a torch and Jessica sort of got himself caught on fire - again -. He ran around trying to get rid of the fire, but it didn't help. He ran over the web and got his foot caught on it, causing him to fall on it. The fire burned the web and he fell head-first into more water. He hit the bottom with his head and got another game over. Then he found a heart in the pool and tried to use it as gum, so he got yet another game over.  
  
We found three deku schrub dudes. They shot seeds at Jessica. He ran around getting hit for a while and then tried to use ME as a shield. I didn't like that. When I don't like something, I get mad. When I get mad, bad things happen. Long story short, Jess got quite a few game overs there. I guess you could consider them a present from me.  
  
He brought out his shield and shot the seeds back at them, and after a couple million tries he got them all. They did kill him a couple times first, of course. Then we got to go through the door they had been guarding.  
  
The room was really freaky. It was dark and swampy. We looked up to see a big red eye glaring at us. It jumped down and landed on Jessica. Man that thing was FAT! Jessica got two game overs from that thing landing on him. "Queen Gohma" she said her name was. We didn't care, really. Ms. Fluffy tried to keep her from seeing him. I'm guessing she was his mother and he did something VERY bad... But I don't know. Oh well, I don't care either.  
  
Link was really scared of this broad. He cowered for a little while while she laughed at him. He wanted out, so he shot some seeds at her with his slingshot and hit her eye with his sword. He hated that eye when it turned red. After a few more game overs from her landing her fat bum on him, him trying to use the grass in the corners as gum, and him getting hit by the eggs she let out, she died. I think she had a few too many eggs. (No wonder she was so fat.)  
  
Link found a heart in her remains and thought it was gum, so he ate it. This actually made him stronger. I was freaked out. Then this blue thing came and it crystalized us and brought us back in front of the tree dude.  
  
He told us a bunch of crap about Hyrule and Jessica and told us that "we-eth must-eth go-eth to-eth Hy-eth-rule-eth castle-eth to-eth meet-eth Prince-eth-ess Zelda-eth." Then he gave us this emerald thing and died. I was sad because that tree dude didn't give me any money for helping this idiot Jessica AND he told me to help him around Hyrule.  
  
So, we set off for Hyrule Field.  
  
Total game overs so far for Jessica: 32  
  
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So, how's it going so far? I would appreciate reviews. Yes, I am going to go through the whole game. I might go through Majora's Mask through Tatl's pov too, if you like this one. 


	3. Hyrule Field and the Evil Owl

"Jessica, Ms. Fluffy, and the sexy little fairy, Navi, set off for Hyrule Field. Navi was the beautiful-est fairy in all the land. She had long, glittery, silver wings, and the most wonderful hue of blue that you've ever seen. She was so sexy that she could have anyone - yes, _anyone_ - that she wanted. Hyrulians, gorons, monsters, and all creatures, male or female, competed for the glory of being her's. She was the greatest fairy, no, the greatest _being_ to ever have _been!_ She was a _goddess. _She was--"

Jessica then poked me in the side with a stick.

"Grah, Jessica, don't poke me while I'm narrating!" I yelled at the little brat. Jessica doesn't like yelling. He then ran into a wall and received another game over.

"Sigh, Jessica, you're an idiot." Jess stared at me quizzically. "_Yes_, Jessica, I said _sigh_! Now let's get going."

That's when it happened. We came to a clearing, and just as we were about to start running, a giant owl dude started yelling at us! We were frozen in our tracks and couldn't move at all! Why? Why did he freeze us and start talking, talking, talking like a raving… Uhmm… Owl? I hate him. His name was Kaepora Gaebora. He told us about the place we were at, called Hyrule Field. He talked for about an hour, and finally, his horribly prolonged speech died. It was over! Hallelujah, it was over! I was ecstatically zipping around in the air, and I was all like, "YAY!" But do you know what horrible, terrible, horrific thing happened next? He asked us if we wanted to hear him talk again. Jessica somehow picked the "Yes, tell us again!" choice. Why, Jessica, WHY?!

And then… I died.

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I woke up a couple hours later, as the sun was setting. A wolf howled in the distance. We were sitting at the edge of the clearing in Hyrule Field, right near where the owl was pestering us. I hate that guy. Ms. Fluffy was trying to eat a shoe. (I have no clue where he got it.) Jessica was sitting beside me, picking the grass and trying to chew it as gum (once again.) I checked his game over meter: it was at 76. How could he get almost 50 game overs in just a few hours?! We'll never know… Although, looking around, I saw trees bent over, chewed grass, a dent in a wall, a big hole in the ground, and… What is this? There's a little white thing popping out of the ground… It seemed to be pulling its way out of the ground. A hand pushed through nearby, and then another. The white thing came out further to reveal… A skeleton head…

And then we ran. As fast as Jessica's tiny, little, stubby, sexy, stupid legs could carry him, we ran. It chased us. More popped out.

"Jess, draw your sword!" He tripped. They ate him. Another game over. He came back. Tripped again. The skeletons, bellies full, shrunk back into the ground. Two more popped up.

"Double-you tee eff?!" I asked myself, panicking. Jess drew his sword this time, and chopped them up. Then, two more. He destroyed them, too. They came in two's. Two, two, another two. He chopped them to shreds and picked up a skull. He held it in his hand, got down on one knee, and pretended he was Shakespeare. Just then, a giant skeleton dude leaped out of the ground and crushed him under his feet. Jess reappeared after a game over, and the giant skeleton dude ate him whole, laughing. Jessica, reborn once again, kicked him in the foot. The giant skeleton dude ran away crying. He jumped into a river and died.

The sun came up and a rooster crowed. That's sort of weird how roosters crow every time the sun rises. I wonder if the rooster doesn't crow, is there a tomorrow? Will there be a tomorrow, or only today? Will I live to see tomorrow? I wonder…

Jessica poked me in the eye. I kicked him and he died. He was sorry. I told you that you'd be sorry, Jess, but no, you poke me! Idiot.

Anyway, we were half way to the market now. Jessica followed the path intently, keeping his eyes focused on it. He ran into sign and got a game over.

"The sign says, 'this way to Lon-' AHH!" Jessica began peeing on the sign. I flew away and shut my eyes tightly. It wasn't seeing it that bothered me, it's just… He's so… Big for his age. It makes me wish that I were a ten-year-old Kokiri.

"Jess, come on. Stop peeing so loudly." He zipped up and we walked away from the sign, towards the town, which was only about ten yards away. Looking up at the castle gates, I was somewhat amazed. It was a lot smaller than I had imagined.

So then, we went inside. No one could even imagine the horror we found.

Hey, this is Goku! You'll never guess what happens to Jess and the gang in the next episode of Navi's Point of View! Jess enters a tournament against a dude named Ganon-Cell and goes Super Hylian 24! Also, Saria and Vegeta have a baby named Tanks! Be sure to tune in next week! Boy, I love this show!

Game overs for Jess: 82 (Who thinks he'll pass 1000?)

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I hope you liked this episode, everyone! From now on, I'll try to write an episode per week. Hopefully. Maybe.

Double-you tee eff – WTF, as in internet lingo… means "what the f---"

If you've never heard of DBZ, then I'm sorry! DBZ, or Dragon Ball Z, is a fairly old anime. It's sort of an okay anime, but it gets a bit boring and monotonous after a while. Goku is the main-ish character. In one part of the anime, there's a bad guy named Cell, and they all kick his butt. Some of the characters, like Goku and Vegeta, are Saiya-jins (pronounced sort of like sayan) from another planet. They can power up by going Super Saiya-jin, where their hair turns gold and gets really big or long. Then, they go SS2, SS3, and SS4. (Yes, I think the creators got a bit desperate…) Vegeta did it with an Earth girl named Bulma and had a baby named Trunks, who has purple hair. When I started watching this about 6 years ago, I liked the series. I watched it for about 3-4 years. But you know what? It got boring. 1. The creators desperately created more and more baddies, basically making things pretty monotonous… 2. It just sucks in English. I've heard it's a lot better in Japanese.

ALSO – a lot of shows have the "Next time, WHEE!" crap at the end, so I added it. So, Whee! (And sorry for the annoyingly boring explanation.)


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